You don't have to go to Texas for a crappy movie….

Hey, cool! Another DVD release I can embarrass myself over in public!

On October 28th, Grindhouse will release a double-disc Collector’s Edition of Juan Piquer’s Mil Gritos Tiene La Noche / Pieces. This will be uncut and widescreen anamorphic, with an optional Spanish soundtrack featuring the original score by Librado Pastor.

After Metropolis, this probably only counts as a minor miracle, but who’s complaining? Severin Films will be producing the first official DVD release of Mario Caiano’s Amanti D’Olltretomba / Nightmare Castle, starring Barbara Steele, after a good quality, uncut negative of the film was discovered in a storage vault in Rome.

This just in! On July 29th, Warners will be releasing a trio of science fiction double-bills: World Without End + Satellite In The Sky (I’ve always felt that was a good place for a satellite); When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (yo, Keith!!) + Moon Zero Two; and Battle Beneath The Earth + The Ultimate Warrior. The bad news for those of us who don’t happen to live down the street from the Brothers Warner is that these releases will be Best Buy exclusives. Thank Jabootu for eBay.

Hear me, O Mighty Gorga!

The further and further I explore into these strange lost worlds, the worse and worse it gets…

THE MIGHTY GORGA
What we have here, folks, is a bona fide classic. This is the sort of film that separates the men from the boys, the women from the girls. Anyone can laugh their way through Plan 9 from Outer Space, and most who would read this site can get through far worse. But The Mighty Gorga is a true challenge. Pretty much everyone agrees that it’s the worst King Kong rip off ever made, even worse than the 1976 King Kong where the monkey die and everybody a-cry, or that one where Linda Hamilton brings King Kong back to life so he can save the future from the terminators. Pretty sure it was something like that. But forget it. The Mighty Gorga is so much worse than any of those that it’s hardly worth mounting a comparison. The is bad filmmaking at its most potent. Bad movie moonshine, if you will. It tests the viewer on every level, really makes you earn that scene where the witch doctor beseeches Gorga and Gorga fights a plastic dinosaur toy. But the reward, should one endure, is not unlike the plastic treasure the cast discovers at the end of the film. In fact, one could argue that The Mighty Gorga itself is an allegory for the trials of watching The Mighty Gorga, making it one of the very first “meta” films that are so common today. Or it could be a movie about a guy in a ratty monkey suit.

Kommissar X Goes to Canada

Kill, Panther, Kill
At some point someone behind the scenes must have said, “Look, I know that this is basically just a cops-and-robbers story that we’re telling here, but, being that this is a Kommissar X film, we should at least have a frogman shoot at Joe Walker with a harpoon gun.” And so at this point a frogman emerges from the river beside where Walker and Emily are talking and shoots at Walker with a harpoon gun. Walker overpowers the frogman and demands to know who sent him, but — in another turn of events that seems to have come from an entirely different movie — the frogman himself is harpooned by an unseen accomplice before he can answer. Rowland arrives on the scene, and the two trail the accomplices to a nearby gym, where the first of two pretty great fight scenes in Kill, Panther, Kill! takes place.

Incoming!

There are a zillion DVDs slated for upcoming release, but here are the ones I’m currently most excited about. Which probably tells you more about me than you need to know.

So in chronological order and/or descending degrees of classiness:

On July 22nd, Criterion will re-release Carl Theodor Dreyer’s Vampyr in an expanded 2-disc edition. The film will be in 1.19 “pillarbox” format. Supplementary material will include commentary from film scholar Tony Rayns, a documentay by Jorgen Roos about Dreyer’s career, a visual essay by film scholar Caspar Tybjerg on Dreyer’s influences, a radio broadcast by Dreyer on film-making from 1958, new essays on the film itself from Mark Le Fanu and Kim Newman, notes by Martin Koerber on its restoration, an archival interview with Nicolas de Gunzburg, the original screenplay, and a copy of Sheridan Le Fanu’s “Carmilla”.

 

September 9th will see the long-awaited release of Classic Media’s double-disc presentation of Rodan and War Of The Gargantuas. The Japanese (English subtitles) and Americanised versions of both films will be included, along with the documentary “Bringing Godzilla Down To Size”.

 

 

After numerous delays, Code Red DVD will release the widescreen, uncut (European) version of Chi Sei? / Beyond The Door on September 22nd. Extras include two commentaries, one featuring Ovidio G. Assonitis and the other Juliet Mills (!!); a video interview with Richard Johnson; the featurette “Beyond The Door: 35 Years Later”; and the original trailers. (Edit: – now I’m hearing September 16th.)

 

 

 

 

 

And last, and least, but no less dear to my heart, on September 30th Dark Sky Films will release their latest “Drive-In Double Feature”, Barracuda plus Island Fury.

If Only They Would Stay Forgot…

THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT
It turns out that the Nagas are so advanced that they, completely isolated from all cultural influence in the rest of the world, have evolved to dress and fight exactly like medieval Japanese samurai, right down to the katanas, flag bearers, and big kabuto helmets with gruesome face masks. Despite all those advances, however, they still live in caves and are ruled over by a fat, hooting, grunting dude in a fur loincloth. It’s as if the nation of Japan decided one day that they wanted to be ruled over ruthlessly by George the Animal Steele. But instead of ripping open a turnbuckle cover with his teeth, Sabbala pencils in Charly and Ajor for sacrifice to the…wait for it…yep, the angry volcano god. Then he throws McBride and the biologist, Norfolk, into his skull wall prison. In the prison, McBride is finally reunited with Tyler. And now, with a couple of two-fisted, good ol’ American boys on the job, these merciless rulers of Caprona’s crappy non-dinosaur infested southern region are primed for a beat-down.

Murder is a Chor

MURDER PLOT
As the sixties neared their close, the Cantonese language film industry was in steep decline. Given that its product was mostly limited to a local audience, it simply couldn’t compete with the comparatively lush production values seen in the Mandarin productions coming out of Cathay and Shaw. In addition to that, the new style of action films being created over at Shaw — specifically the violent, fast-paced and decidedly male-driven films of Chang Cheh — had come to be favored by audiences who’d grown weary of the strictly female-centered films that had previously dominated Hong Kong’s screens, and which were the bread and butter of the Cantonese industry. Given that the figure of the female warrior is even today still something of a kinky novelty in Western pop culture, this is something that’s hard for me to get my head around, but it seems that HK audiences of the sixties were basically saying, “Aw Jeez, not another heroic female swordsman, for Christ’s sake! How about a guy for a change?”

A quick post on my way out the door.

I’ll be out of action until august due to band-related commitments (a short tour of the Northeast, followed by a hopefully-also-short hunt for a new guitar-player), but I wanted to leave you all with at least a bit of new material to show for the summer so far. To that end:

Marihuana: The Weed with Roots in Hell (1936), in which we see that at least one participant in the mid-30’s dopesploitation boom had some vague idea what he was talking about…

Prey for Rock & Roll (2003), in which a burned-out 80’s punk chick airs her mid-life crisis in movie form, and some of it hits pretty close to home…

The Sensuous Nurse (1975), in which greedy heirs hire Ursula Andress to screw their rich, old uncle to death so that they can sell a controling interest in the family business to Jack Palance…

and…

Wolf (1994), in which Jack Nicholson discovers that lycanthropy just might be the secret to getting ahead in the publishing business.

Miracle in Buenos Aires

In a staggering piece of news for all film buffs – one to surpass even the 1981 discovery of an uncut print of Carl Theodor Dreyer’s La Passion De Jeanne D’Arc in a closet in a Norwegian psychiatric hospital – sources have confirmed the discovery of a full-length print of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, believed lost since 1927, in a private collection in Argentina.

An English translation of the announcement is here.

Kino, who had already planned a Blu-Ray edition of their previously restored version of Metropolis for 2009, have now announced that both standard and Blu-Ray editions containing the rediscovered footage will be released.

Touch His Monkey

Geetaa Mera Naam
In addition to being kinky, trashy, sappy, kitschy and pulpy in fine measure, Geetaa Mera Naam is also yet another example of a film made in the “lost and found” mold so popular in its era, and as such begins by introducing us to the family whom fate will soon tear asunder. The widow Saraswati really does have quite a brood on her hands and, as the film opens, she has taken her twin baby girls, Geetaa and Kavita, and her two young boys, Suraj and Chandu, to the village fair. The boys, as any ten year old boys with an overburdened mother too exhausted to police them might, quickly get down to the business of getting tattoos, but Suraj soon becomes preoccupied with a stuffed monkey that one of the nearby vendors is selling. It’s one of those creepy fabric animals with a plastic, caucasian-flesh-colored face of the kind apparently designed to provide baby boomer children with a lifetime of nightmares. Suraj begs his mother to buy the monkey for him and, after some protest, she relents. Unfortunately, Suraj doesn’t get the chance to enjoy his monkey in peace, because no sooner is it in his hands than he is swept away by a gang of marauding bandits on horseback.

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT
As with Kevin Connor’s other adventures based on the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs, The Land that Time Forgot is low-budget and crammed with tons of really awful special effects. In 1925, Harry Hoyt and Marion Fairfax’s silent film version of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World became the first “lost world” movie, and it was said at the time that the special effects work of Willis O’Brien (who would later go on to do the effects for the original King Kong) were so good that audiences at the time would be completely fooled into thinking the film was a documentary with actual footage of actual living dinosaurs. I don’t know how many people did believe the dinosaurs were real, but it’s safe to say that the effects in 1925 were far better than the effects we see in 1975. The Land that Time Forgot isn’t quite as bad as, say, Mighty Gorga bad, but they are pretty terrible.