The British slasher movie Don’t Open Till Christmas gets the violence part of the movie fairly well done, but precious little else.
You better watch out
Nov 25
What? Its nose is cold!
Nov 20
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Hey, you’ve got your ideas about what constitutes “a pet”, and I have mine…
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In which the fact that there are indeed alligators living in the sewers is the least of anyone’s problems…
[NB: Possibly NSFW – lots of blood and an imperfectly obscured boob.]
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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!Rather, this update is all about stuff I was about to lose from my Netflix streaming list. Next time for sure, though.
Dagmar’s Hot Pants, Inc. (1971), in which Copenhagen’s most responsible whore goes out of business…
Dumplings (2004), in which Fruit Chan decides that fetus-eating as a home remedy for aging is a good enough premise to sustain an entire feature…
Fascination (1979), in which Jean Rollin tosses bandits, a blood cult, and a scantily clad slasher into the blender, and rather surprisingly pulls out a fully coherent movie…
The Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943), in which William Beaudine proves no better at spooky house mysteries than he was at mad science or Wild West vampires…
Nightmares Come at Night (1970), in which something had better come sometime…
Orloff and the Invisible Man (1970), in which even Jesus Franco can be a target for rip-off artists…
Sacred Flesh (1999), in which nunsploitation reenactor Nigel Wingrove simply will not… shut… up…
and…
The Wicker Tree (2011), in which Robin Hardy shows Neil LaBute what a crappy Wicker Man movie really looks like.
No grazie, signore robot
Nov 15
It’s pretty obvious early on what American movie Hands Of Steel is trying to emulate, but the Italian filmmakers didn’t have the original movie’s budget… or the passion… or the clever ideas… or…
31 Days of Horror
Nov 13
Every October, I do the 31 Days of Horror/Halloween with the intention of chronicling my journey. And every year I never get around to it. But this year…THIS YEAR…things will be different!
31 DAYS OF HORROR 2015, PT. 1
“This year’s orgy of entertainment included a lot more recent horror films than I normally watch, but I figured it was time to return tot he genre I loved so much but felt exiled from by all the found footage and torture porn films. Turns out this year I went heavy on “lad meets monster girl” and “grief of a parent”. We also got in a lot of short stories, mostly by Robert E. Howard. And then I went to Ireland.”
Keith Allison is the chief Bacchanologist at Teleport City.
The horror movie Man’s Best Friend is surprisingly fun, combining the expected horror moments with effective stabs of black humor.
Oh, Homo sapiens…just how stupid can you be?
Strange how tunnel-visioned people can be sometimes. No-one has any difficulty interpreting the horse-head scene in The Godfather; yet when their cat leaves a mouse’s head on the mat, they insist on calling it “a gift”. They hear all about missing persons cases, but never stop to wonder why their dog keeps digging holes in the garden.
You keep your friends close, they say, and your enemies even closer: a statement that has somehow come to encompass inviting those enemies into your house, running from shop to shop to find “their favourite”, sharing your bed with them, and going walkies in all weathers; all the while gushing about “unconditional love”.
Well, enough! This month, the B-Masters are making it their mission to expose these cuddly infiltrators – these adorable assassins – these killers in our midst who think they can get away with murder just because of their big eyes and their cold nose and their little whiskers and—and—aww, who’s a little sweetie? you’re a little sweetie, aren’t you? oh yes you are, you are! what, you want me to stand at the top of the staircase? okay, but I don’t see what y…………
It’s PETS GONE WILD – all through November at the B-Masters blog!
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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!On your mark, get set, laugh
Oct 26
It’s rare for a comedy to try and imitate the comic style of movies like Airplane!, Top Secret!, and The Naked Gun. Off The Mark is an even rarer example of one of these imitations being actually funny.
Going out with a bang
Oct 24
Guess what? I found one!
After experiencing so many disappointments while I was exploring the roots of the disaster movie, you can imagine my giddy delight when I unexpectedly encountered The Real Thing.
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A train-driver begins to develop psychological problems, which interfere with his work and lead him to believe that his wife and his best friend are having an affair. When he then finds himself being forced into retirement, he makes up his mind that his last journey will be one that no-one ever forgets…
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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!Cat Demon Blues
Oct 20
We’re celebrating Halloween early on TC.
Kuroneko is a film that feels older than it is. Shot in 1968, five years after Shindo’s more famous horror movie Onibaba, Kuroneko hearkens back to the more humanistic period pieces and sword-fighting films of the 1950s. Kuroneko is also one of my favorite films. And not just because it has cat demon ladies in it. Though, really, cat demon ladies should be an enormous draw for anyone. Cat demon ladies and ghost cats have been around long before Ju-On / The Grudge or even before Utagawa Kuniyoshi illustrated a sweet party of a lady, two cats dancing with handkerchiefs on their heads and a giant cat monster interrupted by some guy in 1835.
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Keith Allison is the chief Bacchanologist at Teleport City.