I’m just joking, people ate cats in Soviet Russia.

However, that’s because they didn’t have a gourmet brand of cat food made from human flesh. (Well, they did, but it was only available in that shop for Politiboro members.) Back here in the States, meanwhile, we witness the fatal results when one cat food company decides to save money by becoming The Corpse Grinders.

Oh, and if that doesn’t scratch that killer cat itch, take a trip down Jabootu memory lane and learn why one shouldn’t pick up Strays.

Kat (2001)

Though kitties are pretty and sweet,
They have predators’ claws on their feet.
    Our domestic arrange-
    ment is likely to change
If they find out we’re made out of meat.

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You want a warm and fuzzy critter in your pets-gone-wild film? You got it!

UNINVITED (1988)

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The British slasher movie Don’t Open Till Christmas gets the violence part of the movie fairly well done, but precious little else.

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Hey, you’ve got your ideas about what constitutes “a pet”, and I have mine…

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ALLIGATOR (1980)

In which the fact that there are indeed alligators living in the sewers is the least of anyone’s problems…

[NB: Possibly NSFW – lots of blood and an imperfectly obscured boob.]

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Rather, this update is all about stuff I was about to lose from my Netflix streaming list.  Next time for sure, though.

Dagmar’s Hot Pants, Inc. (1971), in which Copenhagen’s most responsible whore goes out of business…

Dumplings (2004), in which Fruit Chan decides that fetus-eating as a home remedy for aging is a good enough premise to sustain an entire feature…

Fascination (1979), in which Jean Rollin tosses bandits, a blood cult, and a scantily clad slasher into the blender, and rather surprisingly pulls out a fully coherent movie…

The Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943), in which William Beaudine proves no better at spooky house mysteries than he was at mad science or Wild West vampires…

Nightmares Come at Night (1970), in which something had better come sometime…

Orloff and the Invisible Man (1970), in which even Jesus Franco can be a target for rip-off artists…

Sacred Flesh (1999), in which nunsploitation reenactor Nigel Wingrove simply will not… shut… up…

and…

The Wicker Tree (2011), in which Robin Hardy shows Neil LaBute what a crappy Wicker Man movie really looks like.

It’s pretty obvious early on what American movie Hands Of Steel is trying to emulate, but the Italian filmmakers didn’t have the original movie’s budget… or the passion… or the clever ideas… or…

The horror movie Man’s Best Friend is surprisingly fun, combining the expected horror moments with effective stabs of black humor.

It’s rare for a comedy to try and imitate the comic style of movies like Airplane!, Top Secret!, and The Naked Gun. Off The Mark is an even rarer example of one of these imitations being actually funny.