It's a very special Roundtable…
Posted on November 22, 2009.
FLASHBACK—-
It was the mid-1990s. The internet was more than just a gleam in Al Gore’s eye, but only just. It was a time when hour-long page downloads were barely even irritating; a time of getting lost in the cul-de-sacs of Geocities; and a time when the line, “It’s a UNIX system! I know this!” in Jurassic Park didn’t necessarily provoke a groan from the audience.
It was also the time when the appreciation of marginal cinema came into its own. B-movie websites sprang up like mushrooms; but it was not long before a handful of them separated themselves from the pack.
These webmasters and their works, the depth and breadth of their knowledge, their unabashed obsessiveness and perhaps above all their sense of humour would set a glorious example to those who would aspire to follow in their footsteps: Alan Gallauresi and Rob Trevino of Oh, The Humanity; Scott Hamilton and Christopher Holland of Stomp Tokyo; Kenneth Richard Begg of Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension (which started life as Ken’s World Of Awful Movies); and Freeman Williams, aka Dr Freex, of The Bad Movie Report.
In those days, giants walked the earth.
And even as the experts were decrying the “de-socialisation” supposedly caused by the internet, lovers of weird and wonderful movies were making new friends and enjoying an unprecedented sense of community. Inspired by the examples before them, others would found their own B-movie websites and bring their own peculiar perspectives to the reviewing table. It was not long before these webmasters, scattered all over the world, were corresponding by e-mail, coming together in an unofficial kind of mutual admiration society.
And then one day, one of them had an idea: suppose they came officially together? Why not hold a Roundtable, in which each of the participating sites reviewed the same movie? After some back-and-forthing, seven websites agreed to tackle the 1957 schlock masterpiece, The Brain From Planet Arous.
It was November, 1999. The event was dubbed BRAINATHON ’99. It was the birth of the B-Masters’ Cabal…
FLASHFORWARD—-
It is now November, 2009: our 10-year anniversary; and to celebrate, our member websites have again come together to wreak terrible vengeance upon a single, unfortunate movie. And not only is the occasion marked by the rare – unique? – participation of every single member site, but we have also succeeded in luring back to the fold the man whose suggestion started it all, way back in 1999: Andrew Borntreger of Badmovies.org. This time, the film in question is William Grefé’s drive-in non-classic, Sting Of Death.
Welcome, one and all, to STINGATHON ’09!!
Click the banner to do the jilla-jalla-jellyfish with the B-Masters’ Cabal!
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Categories: Hoopla
I swear, if ever truer words were spoken than “It isn’t funky,” with respect to the Jilla-Jalla-Jellyfish, I can’t imagine what they would be. Faust has more soul than those people.
22.11.2009 21:52
But he also insists it isn’t “junky”; and “junky” – or something very similar – was what kept going through my mind as I was contemplating those lyrics.
So, Santo, had you not seen SOD before, then? I know Keith B. hadn’t. I meant to ask this at the outset, but I forgot: anyone else?
22.11.2009 22:27
What kept going through my mind was that “donkey” doesn’t rhyme with “monkey”, unless you’re just learning English out of a book. Or unless you’re set on writing really dreadful lyrics.
22.11.2009 23:19
But lyrically speaking, after rhyming “swella” and “jella”, where is there to go?
22.11.2009 23:39
Straight to hella.
23.11.2009 00:21
You’re a funny, funny fella!
23.11.2009 00:58
I also was a jella virgin.
25.11.2009 22:27
Sting of Death, eh? What made you all pick that one? Did you all have it? Just curious. I recall it being pretty delightfully goofy in places, and painful in others.
22.11.2009 22:32
Nope. In one of those instances of “we can’t get enough crap,” I watched it with Ken and a few others in my hotel after a New Orleans Worst Film Fest. This was the beginning of my obsession with the Phantom Louise.
22.11.2009 22:38
Rev, chiefly the fact that NONE of us had already reviewed it: you can imagine the difficulty of finding a qualified film. (Which is why we only do this once a decade!)
22.11.2009 22:41
Meh, I’ve heard worse. I seem to remember 2 Live Crew once rhyming “Miami” with “nineties.” Given their typical subject matter, “hineys” would have been a much better bad rhyme with “nineties.”
22.11.2009 23:51
And John Mellencamp – sorry, Johnny Cougar – did once rhyme “Miami” with “twenty”.
Obviously, there’s something about Florida that brings this tendancy out in songwriters.
23.11.2009 00:08
Hang on.
You mean I’ve been following you lot for nine years already?
This means two things. First, I haven’t watched nearly enough films. Second, I feel old.
Oh, and third thing – Happy Anniversary!
23.11.2009 03:53
I’ve been acquainted with Stomp Tokyo since about 98 and Teleport City since 99. I discovered the Cabal when they did the REVIEW ALL MONSTERS Roundtable in 2000. Happy 10th Anniversary, guys!
23.11.2009 06:11
Happy anniversary, B Masters. It’s great following your work.
23.11.2009 06:15
To be honest, I thought you guys were going to torture each other with another Secret Santa roundtable. I guess this is more appropriate, considering how the Cabal came together.
23.11.2009 07:10
It’s not off the table.
25.11.2009 22:28
“So, Santo, had you not seen SOD before, then?”
Indeed not.
23.11.2009 08:08
Why, how grateful you must feel right now!
23.11.2009 16:01
What, are you kidding? Were-jellyfish! I say again– were-jellyfish! Nothing else I watched this whole update cycle was half as entertaining as Sting of Death.
23.11.2009 21:06
Does compensate for a lot, doesn’t it? I find that it more than makes up for the air-boat chase and the scuba-diving.
Not so much the dancing, but you can’t have everything.
23.11.2009 23:21
Congratulations on the anniversary! Ten years in Internet time is a heck of a long time! Here’s hoping for many more bad movie reviews!
Errrm…. More reviews of bad movies….
23.11.2009 12:10
Happy anniversary guys! Local cult hero Jay Katz showed this flick on one of his Cult Sinema Monday nights… i loved the ending, which was actually kinda creepy, but the rest was a bit meh
24.11.2009 19:04
Congratulations! You’re a wonderful bunch and we all owe you a world of gratitude.
25.11.2009 07:44
Congrats, cabal!! Though did anyone else, upon seeing “Stingathon”, initially expect reviews of “Dune”, “The Bride”, and “Brimstone and Treacle”?
25.11.2009 11:25
For what it’s worth, I agree with Lyz on the subject of the guy in the blue and white shirt being the most entertaining dancer. (At least, on the basis of the Youtube clip; I haven’t seen the full movie.) His moves are certainly… unique…
26.11.2009 15:00
You know, my mind must’ve decided to try and make sense of chaos (or maybe I’d just lost interest and consciousness at that point). Either way, when I saw this for the first (and thus far only) time, I swore that, during the transformation, the guy actually put on the giant PMoW, and had on the wetsuit to protect himself. Reading all these reviews have disabused me of that notion, and now it’s much funnier that I know the truth of it.
I distinctly remember the “jellyfish” attack, though. Man that was incredible.
I actually feel an urge to watch this again, even KNOWING what I’m getting into. What the hell is wrong with me!?
P.S. That goddamn song has been in my head since the announcement of this Roundtable. It just popped right in like I’d listened to it yesterday and refuses to leave. Thank you SO VERY BLOODY MUCH, you bastards.
01.12.2009 19:40
Type your comment here
In your defense, the reverse of that process is a perfectly reasonable interpretation of what little the camera shows us when Egon resumes human form that first time.
02.12.2009 10:47
A were-jellyfish. Named Egon. I’m so happy right now!
But again with the congratulations, guys! You’re practically elderly by internet standards.
That’s a compliment, in case you weren’t sure.
You’ve all given me many hours of happy reading, plus I feel like my bad movie addiction is totally validated every time I visit.
02.12.2009 20:33
It occurs to me I haven’t actually congratulaed the Cabal on their longevity. Better late than never, they say…
Thank you all for giving me so much wonderful material to read and think about in regard to one of my favorite things, and may you reign for years and years to come so I will continue to have wonderful material to read and think about in regard to one of my favorite things.
03.12.2009 08:59
I know you guys are committed to your craft, but organising a mass invasion of giant jellyfish on the shores of Japan to promote Stingathon is inspired.
04.12.2009 05:35
Yeah, but the order to laser-etch each of them with the URL was bungled. Typical.
04.12.2009 07:09
So are all of you going to watch and review “Death Curse of Tartu” at one point, since it comes on the same Something Weird disc?
04.12.2009 16:51
I don’t know about anyone else, but I did. I just couldn’t get the review finished in time for the launch date.
In other words, stay tuned!
05.12.2009 13:46